Butterfingers

I have something on my mind before I get back to my surgery.

To say the last couple weeks have been tough, would be an understatement. CRPS is trying to kick my butt! It just doesn’t quite know who it’s dealing with! From stabs of sharp nerve pain, to burning nerve pain, pain deep down in my bones, muscles twitching, swelling, discoloration, a blister, the list literally goes on and on. A close friend of mine noticed this week the difference in my back and my arms from right to left, my muscles are atrophying. Before long I’ll likely be unable to hide behind “looking normal” in public. All week long I’ve been unable to hold anything, everything just drops to the ground.

Today, my family and I were excited to go to a concert in town. I was nervous because vibrations have really bothered me in the past. So much so, I’ve had to walk out of places. But the concert went great and I made it through just fine. But before the concert, we went to eat at a Chinese buffet. I go up to get my plate and get it filled up with crab rangoons, sushi, corn nuggets, etc. I go over to get a bowl of soup and what happens? I drop my entire plate of food right in the middle of the buffets. I had a second to get embarrassed before my sweet husband jumps in and quickly picks up all the food I spilled! I’m not sure what I’d do without him but he’s definitely came to my rescue many times over this last year and today was one of those days. We went on like it never happened and enjoyed our dinner before heading to the show.

I could choose to let any of the above get me down and to be honest some days it’s hard not to. But you just have to find the joy in life, learn to dance in the rain! I’m not through this flare yet and I don’t know how much worse it’ll get before I am. But I have an appointment coming up with a new specialist so I’m excited to see what kind of answers I get there. The thing is, I’ve never been a quitter and I’m definitely not going to start now. Even if I come home with no answers from the new specialist, I’ll keep fighting because that’s just who I am. You see, your attitude towards anything effects everything.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

–Buddhist proverb

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