Much Needed Sunshine

Don’t let the shadows of yesterday spoil the sunshine of tomorrow. Live for today.

-Nandina Morris

Today was a very nice day here in Kentucky. I was able to come home and spend some much needed girl time with my daughter, outside enjoying the rays! Our property is a little over 3 acres and we have a pond on the opposite end of our property, away from our house. We took a walk today down by our pond and walked a little in the woods. As we walk back up to the house I remembered last summer how I couldn’t even make it half way down to the pond before I was worn out and had to sit before making my way back to the house. I was unbelievably stiff and having unbelievable pain! I kept trying to push myself to do things, many times pushing too much where it would end in tears!

This has been one of the hardest things for me, knowing when to stop pushing myself. I’ve always been able to push through anything. With CRPS, I’ve had to learn to stop before it gets to be too much. I’m still not perfect at doing this, but definitely better than I was! I’ve had to learn to take breaks throughout my day or to change up what I’m doing as repetitive motions and movements really reek havoc. Once the pain gets so bad, with this disease, you’re done for at least the rest of the day! You’re done physically and mentally! It’s really finding that balance for you of when to stop, but this must be before the pain gets to that unbearable level. You’re in pain every single minute of everyday, but you learn how to best cope and just make it through your day. You can only take it day by day. I know on days that it’s going to rain that I’m going to likely have a bad day, the weather really seems to affect me. Cold and precipitation are the worst for me!

The brain fog that comes along with CRPS is pretty intense as well. There are days that I’m on my game, I’m pulling stuff out left and right without much thought. Then, there are those days that I can’t think! All I can think about is how much I’m hurting, how I haven’t slept, how I just feel completely worn out. And then comes the frustration. Frustrated because you can’t think, frustrated because you’re even dealing with something like this, frustrated because there’s no cure for this, frustrated with literally everything! Then, for me, I get frustrated because I’m frustrated! I mean, I’m alive and I have a healthy daughter! Things could be so much worse!

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